2019. There’s a break in a blog. A blog I have finally found my way back into. I’ve spent an hour reading my old posts and frankly sobbing into my duvet !
Some memories are so poignant. Some i cringe at my naive thoughts.

I feel I want to write. I need to write and pour my thoughts and emotions onto  a page.
 Keep watching.

growing up

Today we bumped into Lily's playgroup teacher ,Sue. She always loved Sue and Sue was the one who make the most progress getting Lily to talk and socialise in those first days when she was such a shy , quiet little girl.

Sue immediately asked me if Lily still had her friends Milly and Sister, and then it all came rushing back to me. All those times I pushed Milly on a swing and people looked at me as though I was mad. There was that time i accidentally sat on Milly and was told off! Mostly just observing Lily playing with Milly and sister all day. To her, her imaginary friends were very real and they had such detailed back stories , down to birthdates and likes and dislikes. There were times that I thought there must be something more to it. I still believe that. I think the first time Lily mentioned Milly was so amazing that since then I have believed that perhaps these were little spirit friends ? Lily was only 18 months old when Milly joined us. we had just moved into our new house in Hither Green and she was sitting in the lounge on the floor when suddenly she got up and went over to the window whee she began chatting away to someone. I looked over and asked her who she was talking to. she told me it was "little girl" Little girl crying" then " little girls birthday 22 august" I was a little freaked out especially by that precise date. To this day Lily cant even remember her own birthday. In the following days her name emerged and Milly was around everyday all day.

Then suddenly Lily started school and about a month after Milly was mentioned less and less and finally not at all. Its quite sad that we lost her but Lily's imagination is still going strong...

eggstremely eggciting

St James park.. dusk
Wheres Wally egg








the big egg hunt started on shrove Tuesday in London. A brilliant idea supporting elephant family and action for children. There are 12 Zones around London with over 200 eggs to find. Its supported by Faberge, them of the famous eggs..

We set off on our first egg hunt today walking to Piccadilly through Trafalgar Square and going to find the wheres wally egg that changes location daily. Today's clue was the largest bookstore in Europe which happens to be Waterstones on Piccadilly. It has also been national book day and Lily had a book voucher to spend, so we spent an hour reading and doing a wheres wally hunt. We one a cool wheres Wally bag and stickers.

We then wandered on past the Ritz to Green park with a bag of take away sushi and continued looking all around St James park too.

Of course I am now totally addicted to finding all the eggs. Today I found 18. gulp.

its the most wonderful time of the year

Fortnum and Mason window display
The Ritz
Hyde park winter wonderland
Fortnums windows again. too divine

Hello. How does one start blogging again after a long absence ? do I catch you up? Do I just begin? My verbose personality would usually take the catch up route,but for a change I think I'll just begin with... Christmas

Its my most favourite time of year. I love the happy , joyful atmosphere. the twinkling lights and the Christmas trees. The mulled wine and snowballs and the mince pies.. oh the mince pies..

My mum made Christmas a very special time for my brother and I when we were young. So much time and effort went into our Christmas. I am in turn doing the same thing for Lily.

We have been to a few Christmas fairs already and stood around in crisp weather sipping mulled wine. we'll be seeing Father Christmas very soon as well, at Hever Castle as we did last year. Its so special .

I also have booked to see a pantomime this year. Something I have always wanted to do. I have been to one many years ago in Cape Town but only remember it vaguely . Its such an English institution, the pantomime . Every theatre has one and every actor is in one. We will be seeing Aladdin at the Greenwich theatre this year.

whats everyone else doing in the run up to Christmas ?

It made me giggle the other day. I was on the train going to Wimbledon to meet a friend for tea, and was rummaging around in my bag. I looked down and realised I may be Cath Kidsons biggest fan. Bag, purse, make up bag and oyster card holder all from Ms kidson.

This week I have also been making some little invitions for Lily's 5th birthday party. I can in no way believe she will be turning 5. She got her first school report on Thursday. we were so proud of her. She is developing confidence. speaks in a clear strong voice when addressing others. She has good handwriting and her phonics and maths are both good. I think my favourite line was" Lily knows right from wrong and always chooses to do the right thing." I cried with that one. That's what a mummy wants isn't it?

10 sentences

1. Our little Tinkerbell continues to grow and play. we adore her and fight over the cuddles she gives out. she recently has been exploring our garden under supervision and its so sweet watching her sniff about and chase flies and pounce on flowers ( actually that last ones not so cute)

Here are some photos taken of her over the last couple of months

oh.. Ill just watch this episode of garfield and then I think Ill have a lay down

2. Lily is loving the summer days as am I. We had a couple of horrid weather weeks but this week we have been having very hot weather. We like going to the park on warm days, putting down our checked blanket and having picnics and running around ( that's not me though , that's Lily)
3. I have become a gardener. I don't know how it happened and I don't profess to be good at it but I have a keen interest and take photos obsessively of my flowers and plants as they grow and bloom. I water and deadhead and just sit and look at them all. I found these photos of my spring garden and beautiful tulips

4. I have been utterly inspired by the website pinterest. I have so many ideas in my head I don't know where to start.

5.I started fertility treatment this month. I'm taking clomid to induce ovulation. I was so HOT when I was taking the pills for the 5 days it was absolutely crazy. I just hope and pray it is working. I can honestly say Ive never been so emotional and up and down in my life as this last 8 months when I realised that we had a problem. please keep your fingers crossed for me.

6. I'm throwing a baby shower for a dear friend of mine. We are making and baking and creating. Its been really great and Ive developed a need to make tissue paper pom poms.

7. My little baby is learning to read. Only 4 still and can read a small first reader. I cant quite believe how fast its gone. only 4 more weeks left of reception. its gone too fast

8.I'm loving hollumi cheese . I grill it and put it on roasted veg with red lentils or I put it on tabbouleh salad . totally delicious

9.cupcake baking and icing is the forefront hobby at the moment. I'm not certain my figure thanks me but my tum tum and taste buds do

10. My mum arrives in 4 and a half week . hurrah! we have lots planned including Disneyland Paris . Too excited!

compliments

This week I changed my twitter avatar to a picture of myself on my birthday. I like the picture which is an unusual occurrence as mostly my self esteem of late is lacking.

a lovely twitter follower who I chat with sent me a private message which said that she had just seen my photo and she thought I was beautiful.

My first reaction was horror and embarrassment, but quickly that turned to a lovely happy feeling. For once I took the compliment and I needed it that day.

I have decided if I can compliment anyone, I will. You never know how you can lift someones spirit

ballet shoes

Yesterday my darling Lily attended her first ballet and tap class with Miss Anne. The most wonderful Royal ballet trained teacher.

I cant even begin to describe the joy when she got a pair of black tap shoes to try on and dance in.

Her posture is wonderful. She sits straight and holds her hands beautifully.

She was joyful afterwards as was I , we cant wait for next week..

TOMORROW

My little high tea table


Is my birthday!

I do love my birthday, Ive always counted down sleeps, insisted on cake and parties and been happy.

Tomorrow will be another quiet birthday for me as I had a few people around for tea on Saturday . I think Ill have tea with the school mums and then Kristian is taking lily and I out for a bit of supper.

I bought myself this cool rocket birthday candle. once a child.. always a child

happy easter

Hoping everyone has a wonderful long weekend. Easter is a camping thing for me. Camping with my family and my good friends Steven and Veronica, and a large amount of family friends. Often there were about 25 of us, that's what we always did and I looked forward to it so.

Now its become a chocolate thing haha. I'm currently trying to blow out some eggs (difficult) to dye , and I made a lovely little Easter display.

Best of all our kitten , Tinkerbell,finally arrived yesterday and is settling in nicely. she is adorable

the royal wedding

its almost upon us. Love or hate royalty , if you live here you cant escape the air of excitement and patriotism at the upcoming royal wedding. People all over the country are having royal wedding tea parties , street parties and braais. everyone I speak to has a plan on that holiday Friday.

Lily has a little royal wedding party on the 28th April. they are having food , dressing as princes and princesses and having entertainment.

We think we want to go into London to watch in Trafalgar square and try and see the carriage.. but a garden party is nice too.

Luckily for my family I am totally excited by the whole thing. i feel like I'm living VE day..

hence the teatowel. the first memento of many I can assure you

HUZZAH to weddings

why is it...

that there is this air of competition between south african people about where is better to live. within country or out ( england)

No one misses Cape Town more than me. I have had some low , low moments over the past 7 years. Perhaps those low moments have wizened me to reality.

Fact is many of us live around the world and come back holidaying. perhaps we will return one day . But please , Please don't tell me how shit England is. Don't tell me the weathers awful ( I Know) Don't use your guilt and ignorance to make me feel awful.

Fact is it isn't all bad. Don't believe everything you read just like you wish all those would be tourists wouldn't believe everything they read about our country.

hearwith ends my rant. Its just I live here and I am offended and hurt when people are so incredulous with my choice. Perhaps choices are limited.... #justsaying

captured images

Spring is well and truly with us and the sun is shining down on us today.Ive had a bit of a blog hiatus , much to a few peoples irritation , so I thought that perhaps the best way to catch everyone up was to show you everything Ive been taking photos of with my i phone.

This field of daffodils and beautiful tree of blossoms was in Greenwich park this Sunday. It was mothers day here in England and we had some fish and chips in the park
Lily in her uniform. I still cant get used to it. she absolutely loves school though and has some lovely little friends. This one is William. His mum is a fellow south African who Ive become friends with. they get on very well and their favourite game is firemen or mummies and daddies..
captured in beautiful st James park. a huge blossomy tree across the pond. Many of you will know this is my favoured London park. I'm still deciding whether I will be in it to see the royal wedding procession
also St James daffodil display

this is my lovely , pregnant friend Sandi. she had a birthday where she turned 20 something. ppffft :) we had high tea in harvey nicols. It was divine!
Kristian and Lily playing the fool in front of a massive tree
I just love this photo. Lily has a tiara obsession . we went down the Thames on the clipper and then went to the park
comic relief at school. we did something funny for money and we had a cake sale after school
lastly. this is our new kitten. she arrives on 21st April. Her name , we think, will be tinkerbell or tink. But its been many things so we will see what the final decision is. she is adorable and so fluffy. watch this space

Love

Happy valentines day to one and all. Even if , like me , you dont get all in a froth and buy flowers , choccies and cards for your loved one, perhaps just a nice cup of tea and a little flower picked from the garden will make them feel loved and appreciated.

I have Lily as my valentine this year and she has mummy and daddy. we are getting cards.

I think thats so sweet and in fact a lot of the kiddies in Lilys class were all hearted up this morning.

Have a love filled day

x

spring?

Green buds. New growth. All things I need in my life.These little tulip and daffodil bulbs have been pushing through the soil for a couple of weeks now and I'm so happy to see them. I need flowers , sunshine and colour in my life. I need growth.

London

I'm addicted to twitter.I love the information that flows, the laughs shared and the general community spirit between people that have never met. I know people all over the globe through twitter and this blog.

On twitter I follow loads of South Africans, mostly capetonians. We know my sad story, i miss my home blah blah... and I guess that's why I follow them , to keep up to date on south African news and issues and to make me feel closer to My beloved Cape Town.

Its a double edged sword though, as every day the Capetonians who love their city ,and lets face it that's most of them ,post pictures of the city that they and I love and I feel longing to smell that African air, to walk on that African beach and to generally be contented.

It occurred to me today though , that I would never change the experience I have had here in London. London is a vastly different city to layed back Cape Town. It hustles and bustles , theatres on every corner . Cosmopolitan people litter the pavements. There is so much to do and experience that in my 6 years here I have barely touched the surface.

We explore parks , and little pockets of quirky shops as well as walking in well known tourist attractions. The above photo was taken on Sunday, We dropped Lily's choo choo nana at Waterloo station and just had a lovely quick walk along the south bank. The sun was shining , but it was bitterly cold. The view over the Thames towards the houses of Parliament really wowed me, so I took a photo.

Never be afraid to travel, It enhances your life and gives you a fuller perspective. London has made me independent. Its made me realise how strong I can be and its given me an education that i would never have got from a book.

on the edge

I have been on Facebook and blogs this week and I see all the photos of the grade 1 kiddies starting school and all the mums and dads being so excited , and I feel odd. Why have I cried 1000 tears this week. why do I feel like a piece of me is missing. why do I feel heart sore? oversensitive I hear you cry..

I told Kristian this morning that the last time I have felt so emotionally out of control is after lily was born and all those hormones were racing about. I miss my little girl. she is gone for 6 hours a day and that's a long time.

However I am happy to report that it seems to be going well. The school is delightful as is her teacher. they have been having a little rest everyday and she has been playing with a host of different children. Her highlights have been the sleep on the pillow on the mat listening to music , playing princesses with rosy and "china girl" (how pc.. sigh.. I'm trying to find out her name) and the singing lessons with the headmistress on the piano. she is apprehensive each morning and is a bit shocked that she must go every day! this leads to me being so tearful all the way through till 3:15 until pick up, then she is full of stories and chatting to her school friends which lifts my spirits, until the next morning...

you get the picture. I'm up and down

She has been so shattered as well as you imagine so I'm adjusting her bedtime to suit that.

My life has changed overnight , but some things have become so clear. I love being Lily's mum and I want to be there for her all through this next school chapter of her life. I want to be present in school holidays and after school. Many people have asked me if I will go back to work now but I wont. personally I want to be there to take her and pick her up from school. I know that's not possible for everyone but I will do my best to make sure its like that for me and lily and Kristian. therefore my entrepreneurial skills will have to be employed to make some money.

thanks for listening to my emotional waffling..

a very big day

Today was Lily's first day at school. Its called reception here and is when the child is 4 going on 5. Lily is starting late as she is one of the youngest so will only be in reception 6 months before moving on to year 1.

She has been very excited to go to big school and we have been gathering things like lunchboxes ,school clothes and shoes. Uniform is not mandatory at her school and i did not want to be half hearted with it so i decided to let her wear her own clothes.

Here she is all ready to go. Its of course the rainiest day ever so we are coated , booted and umbrellaed. we walk to school as its at the end of our road
this is her little lunchbox that her nana Fi bought her with the little teddy and muzzy attached to it
Her daddy drew her a picture to pop in her lunchbox. it says first day at school..full of wonder. that set me off as you can imagine!

she went into the classroom ok , but it is overwhelming, as its a new environment with a lot more people than she is used to.In her playschool there were 8 to 12 kids and now 25. My daughter is a quiet little thing and as her mother I cant help but worry she will be ok. she put her name leaf on the little registration board and I settled her at the table with the farm animals. We said goodbye. I said I loved her and to have a lovely day and just made it out of the classroom before the flood gates opened.

I know she needs to go to school and have structure in her day and learn to read and write and socialise , but I feel so emotional about her going off for such long days at only 4. she only finishes at 3:15 each day.

In SA , we only start big school in that way at 6 going on 7 and then I see its only till 1pm. Its been a huge adjustment for me and I wish I was in cape Town and then she would only be starting pre school today. But its not to be as we are here and her little school is very nice. Her teacher , Miss Pike, is a lovely, young softly spoken teacher from Australia and I have a good feeling about her .

For 4 and a bit years I have cared and looked after Lily. given her her lunch and been very fully involved in all aspects of her day. Today is a very strange day for me wondering if she likes her lunch. Is she eating it. does she need a wee.

I guess as much as she has relied on me I have relied on her. Being far from my family and friends , Lily and I have come up with a little life routine, and all my activities involve her. Her first step to independence is complete , and I must adjust to a new life as much as she must.

I will remember this first stage of her life with such happiness and I hope her school experience is wonderful. I will be there for her every step of the way as she will always be my baby..

snow days

these last two weeks have been the coldest I have had since moving here 6 years ago...yes 6!!!

The cold has been relentless and the snow has caused havoc in a country that should be prepared ,but never are.

when the snow hits though its magical. I love just sitting at my window watching it fall with a cup of tea in my had , and perhaps a biscuit...

after its all settled nothing better than getting all bundled up and going to play. even more magical in the first Christmas week. when you are Christmas mad like me , snow falling in Christmas tree week is hugely exciting. My little girl has been so excited ,what with snow , her letter to father Christmas going up in flames so the fairy's could take it to Santa and the tree and decorations being put up. but more on that later, for now... snow day pictures
manor park gardens



Weber snowman
such a pretty tree