Then its all the guilt over C sections and other mothers telling you about drug free births. If you delve deeper all this is actually your own insecurity . you have been thrown into a new job with no training. You call on mothers and friends for advice and help but at some point the buck stops here.
After 3 and a half years of being a mum i think I have done well. I have navigated weaning , milestones ,potty training and discipline . I have a delightful child who is affectionate and imaginative and a joy.
Now I have hit a stumbling block. School.
I love having Lily with me and I stay at home to be with her so I left the playschool thing a little late by English standards. Lily was 3 when she started going and has been going to a little playschool for 6 months. she goes twice a week and is still settling. In the interim all the children of her age have moved on to nursery. this is attached to the school and is 5 days a week for 2 hours. After deciding I was not going to do nursery I looked around today and I had to be honest with myself. Lily cannot do this playschool for a year. She is the oldest there and its simply not stretching her. she needs the children to be her age or older. Now I have to see if by some miracle a nursery will accept her after the admissions have closed.
In some ways I feel pressurized to follow this path. She will be starting school in January next year, if we are still living here, and then she will be in the school system.5 days a week. Do I really want to put her there now. I so wish other children between 3 and 4 were going to playschool. I just feel like I am always on the back foot here.
Let me tell you about the school admissions system here as well. I had to apply for a reception place for lily by the end of last month. I had to put up to 4 schools of my choice down and they will TRY to place her at one of them. if they are oversubscribed (which all the good ones are) they will place her where there is room! Hows that for stress.
Never have I felt more ill at ease about something. I know for certain I dont want Lily going to school in London for more than a year . Am am now so aware that my choices at this stage will affect her. I want her to go to a school she feels comfortable in. She is a sensitive soul and the thought of her being piled in with some boisterous children fills me with dread. you see I don't want to let her go. Its my taurean nature. Perhaps this is a lesson for me. I hope I learn fast.
6 comments:
Gosh, it is really difficult letting go but I see with our grandchildren that todays kids need all the (scholastic) help they can get and while it means bursting the playschool bubble it also means getting a good start in her school life.
But it's really, really rough on mummy.
too true Louise and in the light of day I went to hand in my application and they said they would try their best to get her a place. whilst there I bumped into one of the mums from the playschool whos son is now at nursery. she says its wonderful. and they do a lot of creative things which is lacking at playschool and is very important to me.so...fingers crossed everyone
Shame wends this is such a difficult one. I really feel for you and think this whole school system thing sucks. You have been and still are a brilliant mom and I am not just saying that because I love you. She has a good basis and that will serve her well. At least nursery school is only 2 hours a day. Fingers crossed she gets in and that it all goes well.
Not for nothing do they say "It is the hardest job in the world". It is even harder for you there with no one, except Kristian of course, to talk about your different options. All you can do is your best and fight all the way for what you want and know is right. Boisterous children are fine, it is the one with no manners and a bad upbringing that you have to watch out for. Love and hugs your Mum xxxx (who is still fretting and worrying about you for....what is that now?..oh yes 32 years and counting...lolxxx)
Ok I am only just finally starting to catch up on all the blogs - I hate that things are so complicated over there. I just know that wherever she does go it will be the right thing for her at the time - what is meant to be and all that. I know how hard I found it to let go when Sarah went - and she was 19 months when she started! At 3 I just can't even imagine. You are an amazing mom who I respect and admire and whatever you do it will all work out in the end. The Lilster will be just fine - I think she stronger than you think she is xxx
Sending you lots of good wishes as you work your way through the process...
Hugs...
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