pacing the panic room

I happened upon an amazing new blog today vis other blogs, as you do.

Pacing the panic room is written by a man and I have loved going through the archives . his documentation of his wife's pregnancy is so beautiful, their home and everything in it is so interesting to me. His photography is so personal and touching.

do have a look

walking with Kings and Queens

A couple of weeks back we went to the beautiful Hever Castle , In Kent ( south east England). Its only about 45 minutes drive from our house and I was so sorry we had not been sooner. Its absolutely beautiful there. It was the childhood home of Anne Boelyn and henry the VIII stayed there when they were courting. Its a beautiful little Tudor castle with the most beautiful grounds. There are 3 mazes. The yew maze, the wooden kids maze and the hilarious water maze that is impossible to get through without getting soaked , which I found out on the first stone I stepped on! This is the moated castle with one of my fancy pants effects
The front of the castle is covered in this stunning virginia creeper which turns deep red in autumn

there s a great kids playground with these tunnel slides. that poor sod under Lily is her choo choo nana who went down 5 times. I went once but it scared the crap out of me
This is the view from the Italian gardens over the lake. the rose garden was also out of this world


well worth a visit if you are ever near Kent.

the home cook

My Mum has always been a cook. She loves cooking and I have so many of my childhood memories of her entangled around cooking. She is not much of a baker but has instilled a love of cooking and baking with fresh ingredients to me. She has taught me the basics like how to make a rou .How to reduce a sauce , but she has also taught me when to cheat when your time is short or you could not be arsed.

I'm a baker. I have always loved to bake. I like tried and tested recipes as well as new unusual ones. I like my recipe books to have character and to have lived in the kitchen. This book below is my Mum's Ina Paarman origional cookbook. she is a South African Home economics teacher who started a cooking school , published a cookbook and is now I assume a Millionairess with ranges of seasning and sauces.

This is her original cookbook bought by my mum when she used to go to Ina's classes. Ina has signed it for her. I always wanted to go to those classes when I was little. Its a battered, stained book full of the history of meals cooked and cakes baked. I love those stains.
I recently got the hummingbird bakery cookbook . Its a divine little bakery in notting hill selling very famous cupcakes to all the stars like Gwyneth Paltrow and Me. their most famous being their Red Velvet cupcakes , made famous in New york.
I made this banana cake which was just lovely and so easy and i got my first little stain on the page. I was so pleased....

1. I miss wrapping up school books. I was reading a blog ( Hi Lee) and she wanted to wrap her journal and a wave of nostalgia washed over me as I remember going out with my mum to buy wrapping paper or brown paper and plastic to wrap my books. My favorite year was a year I got light blue paper with tiny hot air balloons all over it, Good times

2. Playschool has begun again and Lily is doing 3 mornings a week in preparation for her starting reception on 4 January. Its so soon I feel ill.

3. We went to watch Charlie and Lola's my best bestest play at the Greenwich theatre and it was delightfully wonderfully great. It was a mix of 2 D puppets with 3D sets and 4 puppet masters if you like. We all enjoyed it so much and one of us even had a strawberry ice cream in the theatre...

4. Strictly come dancing 2010 launched here on Saturday. Regular readers ( whom I apologise to for my absence ) will know my love of the strictly show. I do nothing on Saturday evenings. Kristian does all of Lily's bedtime routine and I get a glass of wine and watch my show. geez I'm old. Also it signals the beginning of the Christmas countdown for me as the show runs till Christmas week

5. Speaking of Christmas I saw Mince pies and panetone in sainsburys the other day. A little early in my humble opinion. Not that I'de say no if someone offered me one with a cuppa.

6.Lily is into jokes in a big way. admittedly some are not funny in a traditional way but to a mother they are hilarious. Her favorite one was told to her by Aunty Ronnie and I'm working on her doing it on video for me and I will post it.

7. This morning I told Lily a little bird had told me something so she looks at me and then at the window and asks " was that window open last night?) No I say. " How did the bird get in then ? It took me a while to twig and I have made a mental note to remember children are very literal

8. I got a stunning new cath Kidson bag with my birthday voucher. Its so beautiful I want to sleep next to it every night.

9. Love is all around at the moment. I have been witness or heard about so many love matches in the last month through people I know. 1 on twitter, and 1 on facebook. Many have met on these sites. It seems traditionally chance meetings and dating are out of the window now. Personally , although i love that Chance meeting thing how realistic is it these days that you may meet someone like that ?

10. I have started healthy eating and walking and am feeling better about myself already. I think I may be in for a long haul when i stood on the scale but I think in a few months I will see some improvements

change

I've never been one for change. I hate it. My body lashes out against it, yet I'm faced with it constantly. I have begun to think its my lifes lesson. Every time I think I can control something or follow a path it all goes horribly wrong and I'm left regrouping.

I have finally come to accept that I must allow life to flow in the way it wants to because if I try and change the flow we have a flood. I also have accepted that I made all the decisions that led me to the point I am at now and without those decisions I would have no beautiful daughter and lovely husband.

That said I have these bad days when I miss my life In south Africa so much. The worst times are around special occasions like Birthdays or Christmas. This week Caroline at Rhymes and reasons had a little girl that turned 3. I sat at home yesterday while everyone wished her and was together. Last week Lily turned 4 and My parents , my brother and my close friends missed it. It takes me a good few days after said events to lift myself up and continue as normal.

In my heart I know the time will come in the next couple of years when i will be back in Cape Town as that's where I want to be and all this will be a distant memory but for now I will be sad for a couple of days and then get on with my life here trying to do and see as much as possible.

You see I'm learning.

celebration

pin the tail game with our 2 boy friends
Amelie , Lily and Andrew eating party food
the party table
the dolls house
inside the dolls house eeekk
princess cake
biscuit decorating
dangling biscuit eating game
blowing out the candles

its been a week of celebration round our house. my darling little Lily turned a whole 4 years old. She is getting to be such a big girl with all these musings on life , funny observations and all round cuteness. I had arranged a very small party for her with a few of her little friends from around here. She of course asked for a pink , princess sort party and I obliged in a haze of pinkness. To think when she was a baby I did not want to dress her in much pink, she was probably screaming out for pink babygrows., in fact...now I understand what those 4 months of constant crying were.

I made a princess cake with her princess barbie in the middle. Its been my first foray into cake decorating and I think it went quite well bar trying to get the legs to bend enough for her to fit into the "dress". nearly crippled the poor girl.

after the party a few friends arrived to wish Lily along with choo choo nana with more presents.

We had got Lily a beautiful dollshouse and nana Fi and grandad got her some rooms. BEST PRESENT EVER. a make called Le toy van. their stuff is divine.

Monday saw our second anniversary come round and I can barely believe its been 2 years since that special day in our lives. We celebrated by exchanging some cotton gifts. Pyjamas for him and a hand printed biscuit tea towel for me ( its lovely) and then went to watch Inception at the cinema.

So 4 years and 2 years ago two life changing events occurred in my life and I do so enjoy celebrating them every year.

sad face

Its odd but I can't bring myself to remember and write about our time in cape town as now that I'm back it takes me about a month to get out of my doldrums. We loved every minute of our time. Everyone is so special. This becomes so apparent when I return here and I'm more or less alone again. Ive settled back into my wake up , breakfast , lily goes to school , lily is picked up , have lunch and find something to do in the afternoon routine.

I have so many people close to me in Cape Town that it will always feel like home and here will always feel like somewhere I'm trying to leave. Awful that I cant think in another way but I'm afraid that's the way it is. therefore before I have you all switching my moaning off I will leave you with some photos of our time in Cape Town and a promise to post something lovely in the next few days

Ayoba

Ayoba meaning spirit. In this case spirit of Africa. I am African and it courses through my veins. They say once you have Africa in your blood you never get rid of her and I can tell you its true. The sky look different here and I know I am home as soon as my feet touch African soil. To be here when my country hosts a huge international event has been a privilege. I have been to 2 games in our wonderful new stadium , all brilliantly organised and amazing events. The atmosphere has been wonderful and I have blown my vuvuzela with pride.

I am proud of my country and I am proud to be south African and to be honest I just cant understand any south African that is not.

Besides Football or soccer as its known here we have been having ourselves a whale of a time over here as per usual. My mum and Dad are loving their little Lily . All my family and friends have been a sight for sore eyes. I'm, just soaking it all up.

Here is Lily with her huge vuvuzela

At Cape Town International with Zukumi the mascot for 2010

the Italy game, Our second game,(from left) Kristian , Steven, Clive ,Sheila and Sam . wrapped up warm

the first match day was electric. here's the famous 4 (I'm the photographer) heading towards the waterfront with our beautiful mountain in the background. Its winter here, can you believe it

watched over

Lately I have been feeling watched over by angels or passed loved ones. Now at times I wonder if we see things because we are feeling vulnerable in our lives or if because we are feeling vulnerable and exposed we are reached out to by our loved ones. I have reminders of my nana everywhere recently from her bracelet turning up and falling into my lap all the time. her maiden name being everywhere and these white feathers constantly falling in front of me. every time I stop and look out the window a white feather falls.

these things give me comfort and it feels like everything will be alright. I love that about life.

I'm in a glossy magazine

My Dad and Mums friends Anfred and Pat arrived at their house last night for their weekly movie night with a magazine called go. It has lots of things to do around cape town and its the special 2010 issue.

anyhow ... I'm in it with my mum, lily , our friend Sam and little Sarah. We had gone to kirstenbosch botanic gardens to go to the carols by candlelight in December and there I am..doing who knows what. how amazing is that?

Today

* is election day in the United Kingdom. Its been so interesting I have to say. I think my favorite bit of politics here in England are the satirical shows like "have I got news for you" Its all so clever and entertaining. I had a vote for local councillors and was so happy to go and make my cross. I don't think we should ever miss an opportunity to vote. Its an absolutely vital that we use our opportunities to have our say on the society we live in and the government that makes decisions that will affect our lives. I saw my 84 year old neighbor going to the polls today. she walks 5 steps and then stops to catch her breath . If she can do it there is no excuse for anyone else.

* due to said election our weekly diddi dancing class was cancelled. Its the highlight of our week , so 2 of the other mums and myself decided to meet in the local park and playground. we had a wonderful time with the kids playing in the playpark. the sun came out for us and 2 hours later we were still there. Decided to go to the new cafe down the road for lunch then. Its called rhubarb and custard and I was so impressed. So quirky and friendly. We had a delicious lunch and then had to have the election cupcakes. They had made cupcakes in all the colours of the different parties. As people bought them they had made a chart with horses and jockeys with the leaders faces on them and moved them up the leaderboard. In rhubarb and custard Gordon Brown and labour were winning hands down which I think was entirely because the pinky red cupcakes were little girls favorites .

* Lily has decided she would like a boy baby brother. after playing with little 1 year old freya today she came out with this on the way home. freakily she said she was going to call him Jack which has been my boy name for years. She says she really likes girls but she thinks a boy would be better. Too much competition me thinks :)

* finally our mentally disadvantaged(?) neighbor has just come to ask Kristian to fix his sky tv because its not working. I cant help giggling. If you know Kristian you'll know why.

when a man is tired of London

Last week we had such a lovely day out. Its was national independent record day (I know..weird) and my husband is a music fanatic. there are a few very famous independent record stores in Soho apparently., sister ray records being the one Kristian wanted to visit,so we got on the train bright and early for a wander.we took salted cashews as a snack. those things are fatal for me . I ate so many and forgot to bring the water. was so thirsty by the time we got to Charing Cross.
We stopped for a latte (me) , a mint tea (healthy husband) and an apple juice (small child drink) it was a quirky little coffee place in Soho called the flat white. We even saw that mildly famous Indian man there. I of course have no idea what his name is. Hardeep I think. Also unless you live here you probably would not recognise him anyhow. My little obsession with minor celebrities continues..
Whilst Kristian browsed through sister ray records , Lily and I walked down the street taking in a vintage clothing store filled with all sorts of lovelies , from Vivienne Westwood shoes to cute little dresses. A bit further down the road I came across this amazing fabric shop (above, the cloth house) I have recently inherited Kristian nans old pfaff sewing machine ands once its all serviced I plan to sew again. This shop had the most unbelievable fabrics. You know when you go into a shop and you don't know where to look next. you just sort of run around oooing and aahhhing.

We then wandered back to meet Kristian where Lily decided to share her robotic dancing with us all. She loves dancing and music. I know all children do but she really has a thing for it. she dances to everything. This week I am planning to take my camera to her diddi dance class and i will share all the cuteness that erupts there. She is going to be starting ballet classes soon at her diddi dance teachers recommendation. apparently she has a good line and natural dance movement.
the streets of London were bustling even more than usual due to the balmy weather and we had such a wonderful time just wandering and exploring. we got ourselves some take away sushi (parents) and a salmon sandwich from Pret (small child's favorite) and found a lovely sunny square to eat them in.
Just off carnaby street we found this little shopping place with lovely cafes and interesting shops.

then of course finished off the day with the best ice cream in London. Look I don't know if its the best , but its up there I assure you. I had pistachio and lost the feeling in my legs for minutes. wondrous stuff. Theres always something new to see in London...